The Kingdom · c. 985 BC
Chapter 12
Tamar
For we must die, and are like water spilled on the ground, which can’t be gathered up again; neither does God take away life, but devises means, that he who is banished not be an outcast from him.
For parents
This chapter tells how David’s son Amnon forced himself on his sister Tamar (2 Samuel 13:11–14). What happened is clear, but there is no detail. Two years later Absalom has Amnon killed at his sheep-shearing (13:28–29). Parents may want to read it first, or read it together.
King David had sons by several wives. One of them, , had a beautiful sister named . And , David’s oldest son by another wife, fell in love with her.
He was so troubled over her that he became sick, because she was a young woman who had never been married and Amnon thought it would be hard to do anything to her.
Amnon had a friend named , the son of David’s brother Shimeah, and Jonadab was a very cunning man. “Son of the king,” he said, “why are you so miserable, day after day? Won’t you tell me?”
“I love Tamar,” Amnon said, “my brother Absalom’s sister.”
“Lie down on your bed and pretend you’re sick,” Jonadab told him. “When your father comes to see you, tell him, ‘Please let my sister Tamar come and bring me some food. Let her cook it right here where I can see it, and I’ll eat it from her hand.’”
So Amnon lay down and faked being sick. When the king came to see him, Amnon said to the king, “Please let my sister Tamar come and make me a couple of cakes while I watch, so I can eat them from her hand.”
And David sent word to Tamar at home: “Go to your brother Amnon’s house and make him something to eat.”
So Tamar went to Amnon’s house. He was lying in bed. She took some dough and kneaded it, made the cakes while he watched, and baked them. Then she took the pan and set the cakes out in front of him, but he refused to eat. “Send everyone out,” Amnon said. And everyone left.
“Bring the food into my bedroom,” Amnon told Tamar, “so I can eat it from your hand.” Tamar picked up the cakes she had made and brought them to her brother Amnon in his room.
But when she held the food out for him to eat, he grabbed her. “Come to bed with me, my sister,” he said.
“No, my brother!” she said. “Don’t force me! Nothing like this should ever be done in Israel. Don’t do this shameful thing! Where could I go with my shame? And you would be known as one of the fools of Israel. Please, just speak to the king. He won’t keep me from you.”
But he would not listen to her. He was stronger than she was, and he forced himself on her.
Then Amnon hated her. The hatred he felt for her was greater than the love he had felt before. “Get up,” he said. “Get out!”
“No!” she said. “Sending me away like this is a great wrong. It’s even worse than what you did to me before!” Still he would not listen to her.
He called the servant who waited on him. “Put this woman out of here,” he said, “and bolt the door behind her.” Tamar was wearing a robe of many colors, the kind the king’s unmarried daughters wore. The servant put her out and bolted the door behind her.
Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the robe of many colors she was wearing, as people did in deep grief. Then she walked away with her hand on her head, crying aloud as she went.
Her brother Absalom said to her, “Was it your brother Amnon who did this to you? Keep quiet about it, my sister. He is your brother. Don’t keep thinking about it.” So Tamar stayed on in her brother Absalom’s house, heartbroken and alone.
When King David heard about all of this, he was very angry. Absalom did not say a single word to Amnon, good or bad. He hated Amnon for what Amnon had done to his sister Tamar.
Two full years later, Absalom’s sheep were being sheared at , and he invited all the king’s sons.
Absalom went to the king. “I have men shearing my sheep,” he said. “Please, will the king and his officials come with me?”
“No, my son,” said the king. “We shouldn’t all go. We would only be a burden to you.” Absalom kept asking, but David would not go. He gave Absalom his blessing instead.
“If you won’t come,” Absalom said, “then please let my brother Amnon go with us.”
“Why should he go with you?” the king asked. But Absalom kept asking, until at last the king agreed to let Amnon go with him, along with all his other sons.
Absalom gave his servants their orders. “Watch Amnon,” he said. “When the wine has put him in a good mood and I tell you, ‘Strike Amnon,’ then kill him. Don’t be afraid. I am the one giving the order. Be strong and brave.”
So Absalom’s servants killed Amnon, just as Absalom had ordered. Then all the rest of the king’s sons got up, and each of them climbed on his mule and fled.
While they were still on the road, word reached David: “Absalom has killed all the king’s sons! Not one of them is left!” David got to his feet and tore his clothes, and then he lay down on the ground. All his officials stood beside him with their clothes torn too.
But Jonadab, the son of David’s brother Shimeah, spoke up. “My lord, don’t think they have killed all the young men, the king’s sons,” he said. “Only Amnon is dead. Absalom has been planning this since the day Amnon forced himself on his sister Tamar. So, my lord the king, don’t be so upset, thinking all your sons are dead. Only Amnon is dead.”
Meanwhile Absalom ran away. The young man on watch looked up and saw a crowd of people coming along the hillside road behind him.
“Look,” Jonadab said to the king, “the king’s sons are coming! It’s just as I said.”
As soon as he finished speaking, the king’s sons came in, crying out and weeping. The king and all his officials wept bitterly too.
Absalom fled to son of Ammihur, the king of , who was his mother’s father. He stayed in Geshur three years. And David mourned for his son every day.
King David longed to go out to Absalom, because he had been comforted about Amnon’s death.
son of Zeruiah saw that the king’s heart was turned toward Absalom. He sent to the town of for a wise woman. “Please pretend to be in mourning,” he told her. “Put on mourning clothes and don’t use any oil on yourself. Act like a woman who has spent a long time grieving for someone who died. Then go to the king and speak to him like this.” And Joab told her exactly what to say. (People rubbed oil on their skin to look fresh, but not while they were mourning.)
The woman from Tekoa came to the king and bowed with her face to the ground. “Help me, my king!” she said.
“What’s the matter?” the king asked.
“I am a widow,” she said. “My husband is dead. I had two sons, and the two of them fought out in the fields. There was no one there to separate them, and one hit the other and killed him. Now my whole family has risen up against me. They say, ‘Give us the man who killed his brother. We will put him to death for the brother he killed, and that way we will be rid of the heir too.’ My son is like the last live coal in my fire, and they would put it out. They would leave my husband no name and no one left on the earth to carry on his family.”
“Go home,” the king told the woman, “and I will give orders about you.”
“My lord the king,” she said, “if there is any guilt, let it fall on me and on my father’s family. Let the king and his throne be free of blame.”
“If anyone says anything to you,” said the king, “bring him to me, and he won’t bother you again.”
“Please, my king, remember the Lord your God,” she said. “Don’t let the do any more destroying, or they will destroy my son.”
“As surely as the Lord lives,” said the king, “not one hair of your son’s head will fall to the ground.”
“Please let me say one more thing to my lord the king,” said the woman.
“Go on,” he said.
“Then why have you planned something like this against God’s people?” she said. “When the king says this, he is like someone who is guilty, because he has not brought his own banished son home. All of us must die. We are like water spilled on the ground, and no one can gather it up again. But God does not take away life. Instead, he makes plans so that someone who is banished won’t be an outcast from him.
“I have come to speak to my lord the king about this because I was afraid of the people. I thought, ‘I will speak to the king. Maybe he will do what I ask.’ Surely the king will listen and save me from the man who wants to destroy me and my son together and cut us off from God’s inheritance. And I said, ‘May the answer of my lord the king give me peace, because, like an angel of God, my lord the king can tell good from bad. May the Lord your God be with you.’”
“I am going to ask you something,” the king said to the woman. “Don’t hide the answer from me.”
“Let my lord the king speak,” she said.
“Is Joab behind all this?” the king asked.
“I swear by your life, my lord the king,” the woman answered, “no one can turn right or left to get away from anything my lord the king says. Joab, who serves you, pushed me to do it, and he gave me every word I said. Joab did this to change the way things look. But my lord is wise, as wise as an angel of God, and knows everything on the earth.”
The king said to Joab, “All right, I will do it. Go and bring back the young man Absalom.”
Joab bowed with his face to the ground and blessed the king. “Today I know that you are pleased with me, my lord the king,” he said, “because you have done what I asked.”
Then Joab set off for Geshur, and he brought Absalom back to Jerusalem. But the king said, “Let him go back to his own house. He is not to see my face.” So Absalom went back to his own house, and he did not see the king’s face.
In all Israel, no one was praised for his good looks as much as Absalom. From the soles of his feet to the top of his head there was not a flaw in him. At the end of every year he cut his hair, because it got too heavy for him. When he weighed it, it came to two hundred shekels by the king’s standard, about four and a half pounds.
Absalom had three sons and one daughter. His daughter was named Tamar, like his sister, and she was a beautiful woman.
Absalom lived in Jerusalem for two full years without seeing the king’s face. Then he sent for Joab, because he wanted to send Joab to the king. But Joab refused to come. Absalom sent a second message, and still Joab would not come.
So Absalom told his servants, “Look, Joab has barley growing in the field beside mine. Go and set it on fire.” And Absalom’s servants set the field on fire.
Then Joab came to Absalom’s house. “Why have your servants set my field on fire?” he said.
“Look,” Absalom answered, “I sent word for you to come here, so I could send you to the king with this message: ‘Why did I come back from Geshur? I’d be better off if I were still there. Now let me see the king’s face, and if I have done something wrong, let him kill me.’”
So Joab went to the king and told him. The king called for Absalom, and Absalom came and bowed low before him with his face to the ground. And the king kissed Absalom.